Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Silent No More

Every year about this time I come face to face with my past.  Every year I hear the same arguments and viewpoints and every year they break my heart.  The following subject is a touchy one and will no doubt offend some, but hopefully even if you disagree with my view, you can see the love that motivates it.  No hate or condemnation here.  I am a sister, not a judge.

"Open your mouth for the speechless, for the rights of all the unfortunate.  Open your mouth, judge righteously, and defend the rights of the afflicted and needy."  Proverbs 31:8-9

Is there anything cuter than baby's feet?  No really, try and think of something that is cuter than that.  Here, let me help, here's a picture:

See?  How precious is that?

We would never dream of doing anything to harm the owner of those cute, chubby little toes.  However, many of us have done just that.  1 in 3 women have had an abortion...myself included.  My heart has been breaking over and over again as my thoughts revolve around this subject.  I think of my own past decisions that led me down that dark road; I think of the many women, like myself, that believe their guilt and shame is their "cross" to bear; I think of my baby that was not given the chance to live and the plans God had for her life. 

Some of the things that bother me the most are some of the popular arguments in favor of abortion.  One popular view that I have heard is that they believe it is a woman's right to decide what to do with her body.  I see one glaring problem with this viewpoint:  It is not her body she is deciding to eliminate.  The life inside her needs her for nourishment, but it is not her - the baby is another life entirely!  A life that deserves the chance to live.  My mother became pregnant with me at the age of 15.  I am grateful to her for giving me life.  I wish I had been as wise as she.

What about rape and incest?  These are despicable acts against women.  I can understand why a woman would not want to carry a child created under such circumstances.  However, I am brought back to the realization that that life was not created by her or by her attacker.  God Almighty created the life within her.  He says that He has plans for all the life He creates (Psalm 139:16).  I do not profess to understand why God would allow a pregnancy after such a violation but His ways are far above my own.  I have deep sympathy for this situation but the taking of an innocent life is not the answer.  It will not take away the pain or the memory; it will not make it go away.  It only piles another hurt on top of the other. 
Abortion is more than an issue of the taking of human life.  It does more damage than just the loss of the child.  It does lasting damage to the mother as well.  It wounds, it scars, it breaks hearts.  It has been said, "The destinies of mother and child are inextricably linked.  You cannot hurt one without hurting the other, and cannot help one without helping the other."  So many women are hurting from their decision to abort but, most of the time, they suffer in silence. 

When I decided not to give my child life, I was totally unprepared for the repercussions that followed.  I was a broken woman.  I lived in a perpetual state of darkness with a sense of impending doom.  I waited for God to strike me down for the life I took.  First, I tried to numb my senses with alcohol but that didn't work.  I still felt empty and alone.  After beginning to date my husband I tried to redeem myself with church service.  I felt a bigger hypocrite than ever. 

That one decision crippled me emotionally and spiritually.  Emotionally I was a wreck.  I could not make it through a Mother's Day or July 7th without sinking into depression.  Spiritually I couldn't function.  My view of God was as a wrathful Judge, not of a loving Redeemer and forgiver of sin. This did not make for a vibrant, growing relationship.  It seemed I was just stuck.  My husband knew of my past but he didn't know how to help me.  So I just continued to tell myself that God knew where I had been at the time and He would understand. 

Basically, my logic was severely flawed; I justified my actions to suit my own need to make my decision "okay."  But by saying that God would understand, I was saying that the God, who created the life inside me, would totally understand that I had decided to overrule His decision and terminate that life.  Doesn't make much sense when put that way, does it? 

Another thing that really hits me hard when it comes to abortion are the careless things that are said in a room full of Christians when the subject of abortion is brought up.  Now, keep in mind, the current statistic is that 1 in 3 women have had an abortion.  So, keeping with that statistic, if you are in a Bible study of 10 women then there are 3 in that room that have had an abortion.  

Now, I don't know about you, but I hold with the belief that the church is for flawed people.  I hope so, otherwise, I couldn't go...and neither could you.  As a post abortive woman and to be sitting in a room of Christian women saying things like, "I don't see how a woman could choose to kill her child," or "What is wrong with those women?"  That hurts.  There was a time when statements like this convinced me further that I could never tell anyone about my horrible secret.  I shrank inside myself and the chains got a little heavier; the cloud a little blacker.

I do understand that abortion is a horrible decision, that it is murder but would you sit in a room with alcoholics and talk about how stupid or selfish drinking is or would you try and help them?  My point is that even if we do not understand the struggle, we still need to sympathize with the person struggling.  Our words can either help or they can hurt, we need to be careful which they do when spoken.  Judgement is one of the ways Satan keeps the army that I believe God is trying to raise up in chains. 

It is time we stopped not talking about abortion because of its ugliness and time we started fighting for life and lifting one another up!  The enemy wants us condemning one another on one side and silent on the other in order to keep us out of his way.  If there is no one to oppose him, he will continue his march against life...and he will win.  But I serve a God that sent His Son to set me free from sin and to clothe me in His righteousness.  His blood covers me and makes me white as snow.  There is no condemnation in Him.

Let us be the army that God raises up to defend the rights of the unborn.  Life is sacred.  The only One who has the right to take it, is the One who gave it.  Let us show Christ's love to those who have had abortions and let them know that He came to set the captives free!  Let my sisters be the ones to give a voice to the pain and heartache that abortion brings.  And let us BE SILENT NO MORE.

"For You created my inmost being:  You knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, Your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be."  Psalm 139:13-16

1 comment:

  1. What a powerful testimony! I am in awe of your courage in talking about this. it is easy to assume that only "other" woman would ever do something like that.... Yet it is clear that we are all sinners and fall short. We are far too quick to judge others sins as somehow worse than ours.